Myra the Magnificent's Intergalactic Astrotorium of Fun

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Myra the Magnificent's Intergalactic Astrotorium of Fun
[[File:{{#setmainimage:Astrotorium.jpg}}|250px]]
Characteristics
Origin Un-iverse
Creator Myra the Magnificent
Status Traveling the galaxies

Myra the Magnificent's Intergalactic Astrotorium of Fun, shortened to The Astrotorium, is a space carnival that travels a galaxy in the Un-iverse.[1] It was the setting of the Unfinity expansion.[2]

Description

The Astrotorium was founded "a tactically unspecified number of years ago" when Myra launched a roller coaster into space.[3] It is a series of interconnected flying spaceships that can move from planet to planet. It is orbited by a "trash belt."[4][5] The park is themed after Magic: The Gathering IP, although Myra doesn't pay to license it.[6]

Locations

The Astrotorium travels through space, visiting different planets throughout multiple star systems and galaxies.

Nearby Planets

  • Blorb-12, the beautiful home planet of the Blorbians, including Ambassador Blorpityblorpboop, their de facto leader.[7] Blorbian children are called grublings. They do not use human genders.[8] The planet was obliterated by Captain Rex Nebula in a parking accident when he backed the amusement park over it. As part of the resolution of 382 BG.2d 83 (Blorpityblorpboop et al. v. Nebula), the survivors received lifetime passes as compensation, and now live for free in park hotels, receiving three meal tickets a day.[9][10] Because of their life in the park, they have become unbeatable at all of its arcade games.[7]
  • Glurg. An ocean planet.[11] Home of galactopods, sharks, and Stephan.[12]
  • Quafloovia. Home to meganibblers.[13]

Attractions

The Astrotorium's midway features numerous attractions, including amusement park rides and carnival games. Its staff is composed almost entirely of Vampires.[7]

Amenities

Languages

  • Glurganese[11]
    • The name Stephan is approximately 3000 characters long.
  • Goblin
    • The word for "vacation" roughly translates to "a battered landscape of noise and violence."[44]
  • Elven tap
    • It is the official language of three "very obnoxious" planets.[45]

Inhabitants

The astropark hosts numerous races as Employees, Guests, and Performers as it travels between planets. Employee teams include Ride Operations, Visitor Services, Vomit Removal, and the Gift Shop.[3] The park's performers are in a union with mandated breaks and snacks.[11][3] Papparazzi often visit the park to view the influencers and interstellar television stars that visit, including Solaflora, Harvey Galaxy, and Interstellar Greg. Park guests are rarely accidentally beheaded.

All of the park's animals have complete agency.[7] The park is contending with four concurrent infestations that each predate on each other: Beebles, Gremlins, Rats, and Squirrels, though Myra considers The Most Dangerous Gamer to be a fifth.[11][3]

Sentient races

Other

The Waiver

The Astrotorium's extensive waiver outlines the incidents and hazards that guests must agree are not the responsibility of the Astrotorium.[3]

Part Text Card
19 Rights forfeited by signing this waiver include: right to an attorney, rights to party (Cleric, Rogue, Warrior, and Wizard), rights to your life story, rights to waive this waiver, rights to remain silent, rights to the rails, rights to be wrong, rights to write rites for white wight lights, rights to not have a good time, rights to have so good a time you make other people uncomfortable, rights to refunds, rights to handedness... Squirrel (Token) card back
489 ON THE BLORBIANS — Pursuant to the resolution of 382 BG.2d 83 (Blorpityblorpboop et al. v. Nebula), Blorbians are granted full access to the park and three (3) complimentary meal tickets per day.

Do not ask a Blorbian what happened to their home planet unless you have tissues (for them) or earplugs (for yourself). Do not attempt to compete against a Blorbian in a carnival game unless you are prepared for abject humiliation. Do not feed a Blorbian unless you do not mind them becoming attached. Do not ask a Blorbian when their birthday is. Under no circumstances should anyone...

Food (Token, #10) card back
1,718 The Astrotorium is not responsible for any loss of property, limbs, or lunch caused by participation in the following attractions: Teferi's Time Twister, Chandra's Incendiary Experience, The Sliver Hive, Handshake with Phage, Ashiok's Unnervatorium, Elesh Norn's "Prank" Phyrexianizations, The Chaos Warp, A Day in the Life of Stuffy Doll, Lasers! The Musical, The Rod of Ruin, The Kroxa Simulator, or the Shark Typhoon. Zombie Employee (Token) card back
92,489 Pets are not allowed in the park, but visitors are encouraged to pick up a complimentary leash and take home a gremlin, beeble, squirrel, or rat as a souvenir. Bringing a gremlin, beeble, squirrel, or rat into the park is an intergalactic felony punishable by no fewer than two (2) hours of listening to Captain Nebula talk about himself.

Do not attempt to pet gremlins, squirrels, or rats within the park. Petting beebles is allowed, but may lead to loss of wallet, keys, or fingers. To reclaim lost fingers, see Dee Kay at the lost and found. Accept that your wallet and keys are gone.

Balloon (Token) card back
704,130,013 The Astrotorium is not responsible for any injuries that may occur while handling the Astrotorium waiver including wrist strain, eye pain, or brain drain. Please keep to the right on all walkways, except when passing by the petting zoo, in which case keep far, far to the right.

If your name is Dottie, Gina, Nathaniel, or Nik'boolitops, we are not responsible for anything that may occur at or near the Nomenflayer exhibit.

Teddy Bear (Token) card back
Petting in the petting zoo is not advised. _____-o-saurus

Gallery

  • Plushies sold at the Astrotorium.

    Plushies sold at the Astrotorium.

In-game references

Represented in:
Associated cards:
Depicted in:
Referred to:

References

  1. ↑ Magic Showcase 2021 (live) (Video). Magic: The Gathering. YouTube (August 24, 2021).
  2. ↑ Mark Rosewater (December 1, 2021). "Has the name of the plane for unfinity been...". Blogatog. Tumblr.
  3. ↑ a b c d e f Unfinity - Astrotorium Orientation (Video). LoadingReadyRun. YouTube (October 1, 2022).
  4. ↑ Unfinity's Deleted Jokes with Ari Zirulnik (Video). LoadingReadyRun. YouTube (October 17, 2022).
  5. ↑ Art of Animate Graveyard
  6. ↑ Unfinity PPR Guests (Video). LoadingReadyRun. YouTube (October 3, 2022).
  7. ↑ a b c d Mark Rosewater (October 14, 2022). "Drive to Work #975 - Names & Favor Text with Ari Zirulnik". Tumblr.com.
  8. ↑ Unfinity Pre-PreRelease (Video). LoadingReadyRun. YouTube (October 4, 2022).
  9. ↑ Food (Token, #10) card back and flavor texts of Blorbian Buddy, Bumper Cars, and Kiddie Coaster
  10. ↑ Mark Rosewater (October 10, 2022). "The Unfinity Gauntlet, Part 2". magicthegathering.com. Wizards of the Coast.
  11. ↑ a b c d Mark Rosewater (December 9, 2022). "Drive to Work #991 - Names & Favor Text with Ari Zirulnik, Part 2". Tumblr.com.
  12. ↑ a b Icing Manipulator
  13. ↑ a b Monitor Monitor
  14. ↑ a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s Unfinity - Astrotorium Rides (Video). LoadingReadyRun. YouTube (September 28, 2022).
  15. ↑ a b c d e f g h i j k l Zombie Employee (Token) card back
  16. ↑ Ticking Mime Bomb
  17. ↑ a b Mistakes Were Made
  18. ↑ Fortune Teller (Unfinity, #212e)
  19. ↑ Make a _____ Splash
  20. ↑ The Most Dangerous Gamer
  21. ↑ Ride Guide
  22. ↑ Roller Coaster (Unfinity, #225a)
  23. ↑ Roller Coaster (Unfinity, #225b)
  24. ↑ Roller Coaster (Unfinity, #225d)
  25. ↑ Grabby Tabby
  26. ↑ _____-o-saurus
  27. ↑ Petting Zookeeper
  28. ↑ Clown Extruder
  29. ↑ Black Hole
  30. ↑ Spinny Ride
  31. ↑ Scared Stiff
  32. ↑ Haunted House (Unfinity, #217a)
  33. ↑ Monoxa, Midway Manager
  34. ↑ An Incident Has Occurred
  35. ↑ _____ Bird Gets the Worm
  36. ↑ Fortune Teller (Unfinity, #212f)
  37. ↑ Slight Malfunction
  38. ↑ Roller Coaster (Unfinity, #225c)
  39. ↑ Rad Rascal
  40. ↑ a b Concession Stand (Unfinity, #205d)
  41. ↑ Clown Robot (Token, #3) card back
  42. ↑ Fortune Teller (Unfinity, #212f)
  43. ↑ Pie-Eating Contest
  44. ↑ The Space Family Goblinson
  45. ↑ Sole Performer
  46. ↑ Bioluminary
  47. ↑ Teddy Bear (Token) card back
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